Every now and then, I like to break it up with something that makes you go hmm. Today’s that day. And if you one of them intuitive ones, you’ll know this is a double if not a triple entendre right here—IYKYK. So here you go and you’re welcome!
You ever been minding your business—keeping your head down, making it through the week—and suddenly, someone rolls up with a heaping, steaming plate of their problems, just offering it to you like an unwanted side dish? Oh, I’m not talking about friends or people who genuinely have your back. I mean the coworkers, bosses, and random acquaintances—you know, them fairweathers (we all got at least one)—who want you to shoulder their burdens just because you’re within earshot?
Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s a time and place for support, for teamwork, for “we’re all in this together” vibes. I’m all about it, when it’s genuine. But sometimes, the stress these people bring is less “Let’s work through this” and more “Let me dump this on your lap.” And that, my friends, is where I will now draw the line.
There you are, minding the business the good Lord gave you, juggling your tasks, meeting your deadlines, keeping up with life. Everything is in a delicate balance. Then, in they come with “just one thing.” “Oh, can you just help me with this real quick? Can you jump on this last-minute project?” By “real quick,” they mean “this gon’ take up the whole rest of your day” and by “last-minute,” they mean “I’ve been avoiding this for a hot hot minute, but you always come through, so lemme make this your problem.”
And just like that, you’re pulled into the vortex of someone else’s mess.
Here’s the thing though: we’re all out here trying to do the very same thing. Trying to make it, get by, balancing work, family, friends, and maybe even a little self-care if we’re lucky. That’s hard enough. And while I’m all for helping people out, there’s a fine line between lending a hand and letting someone’s issues swallow you whole.
I used to be the queen of “Yes, I can help!” Honestly, I’d be out here with that dusty, raggedy cape like it was my day job. Got a crisis? I was there. Need someone to cover for you at work? I’m on it. Until I looked around and my own list of goals, dreams, and even my peace of mind were buried under everybody else’s tomfoolery and shenanigary.
Helping turned from being a good thing to being my thing. And I’m here to tell you: once people see you’re willing to take on the business they don’t want to handle, they will keep coming back—like flies on you know what. For them, your willingness to solve their problems while they, conveniently, take a break is hella appealing. They’ll offload, exhale, and go about their merry way while you’re left barely catching your breath.
Maybe they come to you because you’re good at handling stress. Maybe it’s because they see you’ve got your life together (or at least you’re better at pretending than most). Or maybe you’re just a genuinely kind person who wants to help. I don’t care how serene your energy is, you’re still allowed to protect it.
I remember this one boss who used to waltz into my office like clockwork, complaining about their workload. Not to delegate tasks, mind you, just to complain. And I’m sitting there like, Why am I your emotional sponge? They didn’t even ask if I had space for it. They’d drop their stress like baggage at a claim counter, and I’d end up wrestling with feelings that weren’t even mine. Then they got to roll on leaving their trash behind and “feeling so much better now that I got that off my chest.” Miss me with that.
Emotional labor is real, and it’s exhausting. Especially when it’s the kind nobody appreciates. That silent hustle, where you’re managing everyone’s energy while trying to keep yours intact? It’s a recipe for burnout, and the people doing it are rarely the ones who receive recognition for “keeping the team together.” No, they’re just the ones who quietly hold it all up until they can’t anymore.
The breakthrough came one day when I found myself tired, irritable, and way off track with my own goals. I was doing the most, and it hit me—other people’s drama was taking up prime real estate on my plate and my headspace. Here I was, stressed about projects and issues that weren’t even mine, deadlines that had nothing to do with my performance. I was letting their mess mess with my peace, and for what?
So I started drawing hard lines. “Oh, sorry, I can’t take that on right now,” or “Have you tried asking so-and-so?” Or, in the case of that one boss, I got real busy real quick when they were headed my way. Slowly, I built up to, “I have too much on my plate right now, so I’ll have to pass.” I’d tell you that it was easy, but I’d be lying. There’s guilt, and some pushback from the people who aren’t used to you saying no. But it’s so worth it. Suddenly my plate wasn’t overflowing with other people’s leftovers. I finally had room for my own goals, my own peace and sanity.
There’s something about corporate spaces that makes people think it’s okay to turn everyone around them into a sounding board. They’ll lean over your cubicle wall and start unloading, or linger by your desk with that telltale look. Before you know it, you’re on a detour that has nothing to do with your responsibilities. I’ve started leaning on the “strategic exit,” like suddenly remembering I have a “meeting” to get to or “needing to finish something urgent.” Because I do. Protecting my peace is that urgent.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make me a bad or selfish person. Boundaries keep me on track, focused on my goals, and prevent me from going off the edge into burnout (‘cause if you’ve been following, y’all know I wasn’t exactly great at that at the start of this here adventure).
What’s funny is that once you start setting those boundaries, the sky won’t fall. People adapt. Some will even start managing their own crises a little better. Because the truth is, if you always rescue people, they never learn to swim on their own.
Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying abandon people or ignore those who genuinely need help. I’m all for empathy, but not at the expense of self-care. There’s a way to be supportive without becoming submerged in someone else’s stress. You can lend an ear without taking on the burden, offer guidance without sacrificing your peace.
Life is too short to be carrying everyone else’s water. You’ve got dreams to chase, goals to crush, and joy to find in the little things. Don’t let anyone turn your life into a holding area for their stress and mess. You’ve got your own stuff, and that’s more than enough.
Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the magical you are.
The Invisible Black Woman 
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