The Invisible Black Woman

Note: Yes, I’m down to the wire tonight, but it’s still Thursday so the streak remains alive. Woot woot!

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You will never outpetty a boss with no scruples.

Now, we all know a thing or two about being petty. It’s like a built-in reflex. Sometimes, we throw in a smart comment here, get a little cute with our “per my last email,” and let’s not forget the satisfaction of forwarding emails that folks replied to they forgot they received or attachments with timestamps when folks try to act brand new. It stings a little, burns a bit, but nobody’s out here losing their job over it, right? That’s our kind of petty—controlled, strategic, a little sharp but not life-destroying.

But, when you’re dealing with a boss that has no scruples? That changes the whole game. You ain’t gonna outdo someone who doesn’t play by any rules, because while you’re out here being witty and clever, they’re going 100% infernal on you. I’m talking scorched earth, taking-no-prisoners kind of nonsense. So, if you think you can beat them at their own game, I hate to break it to you, but you’re only setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

When we’re petty, it’s a form of intellectual sparring. We know how to throw shade in a meeting, we’ll hit ‘em with the “as previously discussed.” Or “please see attached” when they get amnesia. It’s about making a point, getting a small win, and walking away with our heads held high. Nobody’s losing their livelihood over a well-placed clapback.

But then you run into someone who has no boundaries, no limits, and no problem going all the way below the subbasement just because you made them feel a little insecure. A boss with no scruples? They see your “per my last email” and raise you a full-blown HR complaint, a write-up, or a demotion. You see, they’re not playing for fun. They’re playing for blood.

And this is no exaggeration. The first bad rating I got in my entire decorated career? Because I told my boss during a 1:1 that the communication was lacking. Because I more than hinted that this was the worse it had been in the history of the department. I swear, I didn’t say it at all like that. I was diplomatic, but all they heard was that they were worse than the person who came before them. Remember that whole thing I said yesterday about silence being golden? The most they can say is you’re not talkative enough. If you actually open your mouth and are candid about a situation, no matter how much you dress it up and polish it and put a bow on it, it’s still gonna be interpreted as an act of war—a war they stay ready for. Trust.

They made it their life’s mission to reach out to my coworkers to dig up any slight or offense they perceived so they could add it to my review to justify their rating. It shouldn’t have been that serious at all, but I could have kept that comment to myself. Sure, it felt good to say in the moment, but did it help me in the long run? Absolutely not.

I was once constructively removed from a role because I rightly reported an issue that was escalated and the solution my boss came up with literally made no sense whatsoever. I tried to reason with them, very calmly mind you, as to why this wouldn’t solve the root cause. They just gave me a deer-in-a-headlights look as I explained. Finally, I just shook my head and chuckled and said, “I’m sure this will fix everything.”

Yes, I was being sarcastic. Yes, they picked up on it. No, it did not end well for me.

Now, let’s be real. Was I wrong for calling out the issues with the proposal? Nope. But I was dead wrong for thinking this was a recommendation. The only right answer from me would have been, “okay, thanks for letting me know. Have a great day.” I thought I could use reason to make them see how this would be not optimal. But they weren’t interested in logic or reason. Plus, they were keeping score. That’s the other problem with unscrupulous bosses (or people, for that matter). They record every slight, every offense. They never, ever forget whatever they perceive as you contradicting them. Their petty ain’t cute, mindful, clever, or smart. They ain’t even petty. They’re straight up diabolical. No amount of sarcasm’s gonna compete with that. So, don’t.

A boss with no scruples—they’ll take something small and go nuclear just to maintain their power. And look, we’ve all been there. We think we can handle it with a slick comment or some very light shade, thinking we’ll win the moment. But bosses like that? They play a different game. We out here sharpening our wit, they out here sharpening knives and battle axes. And that’s why you can’t outpetty them. Because while you out here being cute and playing chess, they playing a whole different game with no rules, no guidelines, and absolutely nothing’s off the table—including your job and livelihood.

And if you’re thinking to yourself, Well, isn’t that what HR is for? Y’all already know how I feel about HR. Besides, bosses with no scruples know how to manipulate the system. HR ain’t always ever the cavalry coming to save the day. In fact, sometimes they’re in on it, either because they don’t want to rock the boat or because they’ve been swayed by the boss’s narrative. And guess who’s left holding the short end of the stick? You.

I’ve had bosses where, because I called out something they did, they retaliated hard. It wasn’t just little petty moves; they were calculated attacks. You could be the most buttoned-up version of yourself, saying every single thing with a smile, and it won’t matter because their whole MO is to maintain control at any cost. And when you threaten that control, even unintentionally, they’ll come for you.

So what do you do? How do you navigate a situation like that? You have to outclass them. And by outclass, I don’t mean playing nice while they walk all over you. I mean, you keep your integrity intact while being strategic as hell. You don’t play the game they want you to play. You rise above it, not because you’re letting them win, but because you’re playing a different game altogether.

Here’s what that looks like. When you’re dealing with a boss whose middle names are Trifling, No-Scruples, and Conniving, don’t engage in the back-and-forth. You cannot and will not win. Don’t get sucked into their power plays. Instead, you document everything. You make sure you have receipts for days, but you don’t hit them with the receipts unless it’s absolutely necessary. And when you do, bring witnesses (the more the merrier). Let your work speak for itself, and you let them unravel on their own. Because, trust me, they will. People like that always expose themselves eventually.

And most importantly? You know where I’m going: Protect your peace. Because at the end of the day, you can’t let them drag you down into the mud with them. You can’t let their lack of scruples turn you into someone you’re not. You hold your head high, and you keep doing your thing, knowing full well that their behavior says way more about them than it does about you. All the while, you hanging on to that paycheck until you bounce, mmkay!?

So, let me say it one more time for the folks in the back: you will never, ever, ever outpetty a boss with no scruples. Don’t waste your energy trying. Instead, outclass them, protect your peace, and let them trip over their own buffoonery and shenanigary. Because what did we say about karma? She never forgets. And silence? Okay, you already know!

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the classy, cool, calm, and collected creature you are.