The Invisible Black Woman

We’ve all been there: working twice as hard, carrying the weight of entire projects on our backs, just to hear someone finally mutter a half-hearted “good job” in passing. Or waiting for that pat on the back, that promotion, that shiny title that’s supposed to be proof that you’ve “arrived.” But here’s the truth that corporate America loves to hide in fine print: their validation doesn’t pay your bills, doesn’t heal your stress, and sure doesn’t define your worth.

Validation feels good, don’t get it twisted. We’re human. We want to be recognized, to be seen, to have someone say, “Yes, I see the brilliance you bring.” But when that becomes the currency you’re chasing, it’s like working a full-time job and being paid in Monopoly money. It looks like something, but it can’t be cashed. You can’t buy rest with it. You can’t heal burnout with it. You can’t build a future on crumbs of approval.

The cost is too high. Every time you put your self-worth on layaway waiting for someone else to approve the receipt, you’re depleting yourself. You’re essentially taking out an emotional loan you’ll never recoup. And eventually, the debt shows up—in your body, your spirit, your peace. Migraines. Sleepless nights. That creeping Sunday dread. Snapping at loved ones because you’re carrying the exhaustion of always trying to prove yourself in spaces designed to minimize you.

Let’s talk about Black women specifically. Corporate culture has conditioned us to chase validation as though it were survival. And in some ways, it has been. You’re told to keep your head down, wait for someone else to see your value. Meanwhile, you’re doing the labor of three, getting credit for none, and having to smile through it all so you don’t get labeled “angry” or “difficult.” But what’s the cost? That internalization, that constant need to prove you belong, eats away at you until you forget that you’ve always belonged. Before the title, before the seat at the table, before the applause.

Value doesn’t come from outside. It comes from within. And once you understand that, you stop chasing validation like it’s oxygen. You start setting boundaries, saying no to projects that drain you, and walking away from roles that pay in praise but not in equity. You begin to realize that you were the asset all along. The project moved because of you. The culture shifted because of you. The numbers improved because of you.

The irony? Once you stop running after their approval, they start chasing you. Because true value speaks louder than applause. It shows up in results, in presence, in impact. And when you no longer need validation as your paycheck, you negotiate from power. You don’t wait for permission; you set the terms.

This isn’t about arrogance. It’s about liberation. It’s about remembering that you are not here to work yourself into the ground for someone else’s slow clap. You’re here to thrive. And thriving means honoring your worth even when others won’t. Especially when others won’t.

So ask yourself today: what’s validation costing me? Is it costing you peace? Time with your family? Your creativity? Your health? If the answer is yes, then it’s already too expensive. Walk away from the emotional invoice that keeps charging you interest without return.

Because at the end of the day, their validation won’t cover the cost of your value. And your value? It’s non-negotiable.

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the invaluable creature you are.