Today marks the end of week three in IOP. Despite initially thinking this was week four, the timeline checks out—it’s been three weeks. I started midweek, missed a day, and the sessions go by count, not calendar weeks. Next week will officially mark a month, and it’s surreal how much has happened already. So, without further ado, here’s my latest debrief…
All right, so here we are once again. So today was the last day of week three. I had it in my head it was week four, but it was week three, y’all. So, whew. Next week we’ll make a month, but I think the reason why this is week three is because one, I didn’t start on Tuesday. I started Wednesday or Thursday. I’m not a hundred percent sure which particular day, but it wasn’t on a Tuesday. And, also, I missed one day. So I think altogether, when they tally up the sessions, I’m only at nine sessions, which makes three weeks. So there you go. Even though I might have attended the tail end of week one, it doesn’t go by week—it goes by session, if that makes sense.
So today was my one-on-one with my therapist. It went really well. I felt like I was in pretty high spirits today. For a lot of reasons, to name a few. I feel like I’ve made some really good progress on the home business, working on my website, which will be finished very soon. I’m really excited about that. I’ve kind of hit my stride with the writing page that I have going on. I call it a writing page—it’s really a Facebook page that I manage. I created it a while ago, and it’s getting some good traction and consistent engagement. I’m really enjoying that.
I feel like I’ve gotten into a pretty good rhythm in terms of posting content consistently. Even if I don’t get the timeframe correct, I’m posting every day. That definitely gives me a big sense of purpose that’s not tied to my work. It’s tied to my writing, which I feel is my true purpose and gift. So, I’m glad to finally feel that I’ve hit my stride there. I’m getting good engagement and feel like I’ve established a good rhythm in terms of the type of content I post and how I pair it with images and things like that. It’s encouraging, especially as I’m pushing to do this full-time. Gotta start somewhere, and it’s nice to see I’m heading in the right direction.
Also, I spoke to one of the attorneys I had been talking to before. I’ve been shopping around for an attorney to close this chapter at my current job. I hadn’t landed on one yet—I’ve been trying to find a contingency attorney because most attorneys want a lot upfront. One thing you learn when you need an attorney: it’s not cheap.
So, I was really looking for an attorney that would work on contingency, meaning they collect based on what I make. I hadn’t found one yet. I reached out to a couple before the holidays. One of them quoted a much higher price than I wanted to pay, but it was still cheaper than the others. Anyway, they reached out unsolicited and said, “Hey, we know you said the fee was too high before, but we’re willing to knock it down to $500 as a flat fee, plus 33% contingency.” I thought, “Well, that’s actually manageable.” Because, as I reasoned, 33% of money I don’t have is still better than 0%. So yeah, I did the math, and it made sense.
They sent me a contract. I’m still waiting to hear back because I have questions about a couple of things on the contract. You don’t sign the dotted line until you’re sure, so I’m waiting. Hopefully, I’ll hear back tomorrow. If not, I’ll keep shopping because there’s more than one attorney in this whole country. I’ll find the right one and won’t stress about it.
I’ve also made a significant decision: I’m not going back to my job. To make it feel more real, I did two symbolic things. First, I took the parking tag off my car. That might seem minor, but it was a big deal for me—it made it feel real. The second thing I did was disconnect a software subscription linked to my work email. It was something I’d used for creative projects, but I didn’t like that it was linked to them. Over the weekend, I clicked “leave organization.” It felt symbolic, like I was taking steps toward truly leaving.
I explained it to my therapist like this: my job and I have been in a trial separation since the day I went to the ER, though I didn’t realize it at the time. Recently, I went from trial separation to, “This is happening. We’re getting a divorce.” Turning my LinkedIn account back on was another step. I had hibernated it to avoid anxiety from people suddenly wanting to connect when I went on leave. Turning it back on felt like taking off a wedding ring: it made everything real.
When I went into therapy today, I had a different energy—a positive one. I know I’m making the right decision for myself. If the thing causing my symptoms is my job, and I can walk away, then I’m out. This wasn’t a decision I made lightly, and it’s not the luxury option. But your life matters more than a job. If you don’t have your life, the job doesn’t matter. There’s no job worth your health, sanity, or peace of mind.
Group today was also good. I didn’t plan to speak during processing, but I did. I shared that I was in a good place, even though being in group has been intimidating. I told the group I appreciated their courage in sharing because it’s helped me learn and grow. The feedback I got was so encouraging—it was nice to hear people noticed I was coming out of my shell. I didn’t expect that, but it felt good.
This week has been full of breakthroughs and steps forward. It feels good to see progress, even if it’s just symbolic steps like taking off a parking tag or un-hibernating a LinkedIn profile. Every small action feels like a move toward freedom, healing, and living life on my terms. Here’s to more progress next week.
Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the whole you deserve to be.
The Invisible Black Woman 
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