The Invisible Black Woman

I swear: Carrie is my girl. She’s my therapist, but I know in another life, we could have been legit friends. Anytime she leads group, I’m extra dialed in. The gems she drops? That woman was born to do this.

During this same session I keep extending to the next day, Carrie dropped a doozie on me. One of the people in group was talking about their struggles and how the things that they are dealing with is not something the average person deals with. So there is this extra layer of challenges that others don’t have.

Without missing a beat, Carrie goes, “the average person, huh?”

Then she leans forward slightly, with that trademark look of hers, and asks, “You ever grown your own strawberries?”

Say what now?

Naturally, a bunch of us stared at her, confused. A few people responded.

“No,” most of the group said. A few people said yes.

Carrie smiled and nodded. I was super intrigued where this ride was gonna end up.

“Okay, so we’ve got a couple of green thumbs here. But for the rest of you, where do you get strawberries?”

“Grocery store,” I said, along with others.

“Farmer’s market,” another voice added.

“Exactly.” Carrie replied. “So, let’s walk through this. The strawberries don’t just appear in the store. Someone has to grow them. That means we need a farmer. But the farmer doesn’t just magically have strawberries—those seeds have to come from somewhere. Someone else grew strawberries before those, and the cycle goes on.”

She paused for a moment to let that sink in before continuing. “Then we need a truck driver to take those strawberries from the farm to the store, right? And it’s not just the driver—it’s whoever loads the truck, whoever works in the store to unload it, whoever stocks the shelves.”

The room was quiet, all of us following her logic.

“So, you see,” she said, “something as simple as buying strawberries at the grocery store actually takes an entire chain of support. It’s not just one person. That farmer needs help, the truck driver needs help, the store workers need help, and so on. The point is, even when it seems like someone’s got it all together, they’re still relying on a network of support.”

Mic. Drop.

In life, we often look at people and assume they don’t need the same level of support we do. Maybe they’re the ones who always seem confident or always have the answers. But Carrie was breaking it down: just because someone appears strong, that doesn’t mean they aren’t leaning on a support system. In fact, they most likely are.

Carrie wasn’t done spitting bars. “The average person might look like they don’t need as much help, but that’s not reality. Just like those strawberries, it takes a village.”

That hit me hard. As I sat there reflecting on my situation, I realized that toxic workplaces don’t allow for this kind of support. Certainly not where I was working. In a healthy work environment, maybe you can lean on colleagues or feel confident enough to ask for help when you’re struggling. But in a toxic workplace? That’s a different story.

I had been there leading up to my hiatus: surrounded by people who are supposed to be your teammates but feeling like I was completely on my own. And when I finally did go on leave, the handful of coworkers I did consider friends, I went radio silent. I was ashamed. These were people I had deep friendships with, but I didn’t even know how to begin to tell them what I was dealing with. How do you tell someone who’s supposed to be in your corner that the place you both work is suffocating you?

Reaching out and asking for support felt impossible. I didn’t want to seem weak or incapable. I certainly couldn’t in front of colleagues who I wasn’t as close with, since they might one day decide that my vulnerability made me expendable. Toxic workplaces feed on that isolation. They make you feel like needing help is a weakness.

Carrie’s strawberry metaphor made me realize that even though I wasn’t getting the support I needed at work, I still had people in my life who were willing to help if I just let them in. And, beyond work, hubby was there, Mumma was there, my found sisters, the list goes on and on and on.

Nobody should ever have to feel like they have to handle everything on their own. But when you’re in a toxic work environment, sometimes the support you need won’t come from your colleagues. It has to come from outside. The friends and family you’ve been keeping at a distance because you don’t want to admit how bad things have gotten? They’re your real support system. They’re the ones who will remind you that your worth isn’t tied to your job, that you don’t have to prove yourself by working yourself into the ground.

Just like those strawberries, no one grows alone. We all need help along the way, whether it’s from friends, family, or a therapist who drops absolute bars like Carrie. And in toxic workplaces, it’s even more important to reach outside for that support. The people around you at work may not be able to give you what you need, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all by yourself.

If you’re in a toxic work environment and you feel isolated, reach out to those friends you’ve been keeping at arm’s length. Let your family remind you of who you are, outside of your job. Don’t let that workplace make you forget that there’s a whole network of people who care about you and want to help. You don’t have to go through it alone.

The average person might seem like they’ve got it all together, but just like those strawberries, we all need a village to grow.

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the gem you are.