The Invisible Black Woman

So, for those keeping track at home, we’re at week two of my IOP, Intensive Outpatient Program, and I’ve been reflecting on how much has shifted since I started. These sessions, three times a week, pushed me to look deeper into how I handle everything—my boundaries, my personal well-being, and especially my professional life. While I went in thinking it would be an exercise in tolerating the people in my group, something unexpected happened: I began to see parallels between what we discussed and how I navigate work. So, as I have begun to do, I decided to do a debrief. Meaning I record myself as I drive home. These were my profound thoughts.

Alright, so this is week two officially of IOP—Intensive Outpatient Program. I go three days a week from 4:30 to 7:30, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Last week, I hated everyone in my group. This week, I only hate one person, so progress in the right direction.

Yeah, I feel much more open this week than I was last week. Maybe it’s because I’ve decided to go through the stages of acceptance—you know, ‘this is where we’re gonna be for the next four to six weeks, so might as well deal with it and roll with it.’ Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I went without coffee and alcohol for seven days straight. That is no easy feat, folks, especially the coffee bit.

Alcohol? Eh. Sometimes you want a drink, but it’s not that deep. The coffee though… whew! That’s a ritual. Maybe it’s part caffeine addiction and mostly ritual—three parts ritual, one part addiction. I’m gonna go with that.

For reasons I won’t disclose at the moment, I decided I needed a seven-day cleanse, or fast, if you will. That meant no alcohol, no caffeine, and actually no gluten or dairy either, which I shouldn’t have anyway, but let’s not get into that right now. I also decided not to substitute the coffee or alcohol with anything else—just water. Regular water and sparkling water, but water nonetheless. And yesterday made day seven.

Funny enough, when I got up this morning, I thought I’d be super excited to have my usual mug of coffee. You know, the Starbucks mug that keeps it hot for like two hours? Maybe more—I’ve never timed it because my coffee never lasts that long. But honestly, I wasn’t in a rush to have the coffee. I’d gotten into the habit of starting my day with just water.

I still had my coffee, let me be very clear. I wasn’t like, “I’m swearing off coffee forever!” No, no. But my body wasn’t in that state of desperation like, “Oh my God, where’s my coffee?” I was cool about it. And I think there’s a science to that—like when you do a juice cleanse or some restrictive diet, once you get past that three-day hump, it’s not so bad. That’s what happened with the coffee and alcohol for me.

The first few days were rough, though. I was sluggish and tired, and I actually took naps in the middle of the day. But by day seven, coming into day eight, I was surprisingly chill about it. I expected that first sip to feel like Christmas, but nope. It was just… coffee. To be fair, hubby doesn’t care for the coffee we’ve been using, and maybe my taste buds reset after seven days, but it didn’t hit the same.

I’m not giving up coffee, let’s be clear. Or alcohol. But this cleanse showed me something. I am capable of doing whatever I set my mind to. And that’s not just for me—that’s for you, too. It’s true—everything you need to succeed is already inside you.

This wasn’t easy, but I pushed through because I said I would. And now, I realize that if I could do that—if I could give up coffee, alcohol, gluten, dairy, and just drink water for seven days—I can do anything.

Now, back to today’s session. I didn’t get into how it went. Honestly, IOP didn’t suck today. I did a lot of writing during the session—something I picked up from one of the guys last week. He wasn’t here this week, which was fine by me because he had this chair I liked. You know how in group settings, people claim chairs? Well, he wasn’t here, so I got the chair this time. It’s perfect: separated from everyone else, just how I like it.

I think I made a breakthrough today. Maybe it was the seven-day cleanse, or maybe it was just a good day. We had music therapy, which really resonated with me. We got to rewrite song lyrics, and as a writer, that unlocked something. What started as a joke turned into something much deeper.

And here’s the kicker—I realized something today about my relationship with work. All these conversations we have about social support, boundaries, and self-care…they apply to work, too. I’ve never been good at setting boundaries at work. I say yes to everything because I don’t want to be “difficult.” But that’s not sustainable…

This session was really a turning point for me. The realization that boundaries were just as essential in my work life as they were in my personal life had been bubbling beneath the surface for a while. It’s always easier to see how we need to draw lines with friends or family, but work? That’s where things get murky.

Like many Black women in corporate spaces, I’ve often felt the need to go above and beyond just to be seen as competent. Staying late, taking on extra work, volunteering for projects outside my role. But when does that stop being about teamwork and start being about self-sacrifice?

It’s a question I’ve wrestled with for years. The culture in many workplaces doesn’t exactly reward boundary-setting. In fact, it can often feel like setting a boundary is the quickest way to get labeled “uncooperative” or “not a team player.” But I’m learning that the cost of not setting boundaries is far greater.

When you say yes to everything at work, you start saying no to yourself. No to your mental health, no to your well-being, no to your personal time. And I’ve been there—sitting at my desk well past working hours, wondering why I felt so resentful and drained. It’s because I never learned to say, “No, I can’t take that on right now.”

The truth is, work is the last place many of us think to draw boundaries, but it’s where we need them the most. Just like in my personal life, I need to learn to protect my time and energy in professional settings. It’s not about being difficult or lazy—it’s about recognizing that I can’t pour from an empty cup. I need to remind myself of this multiple times a day.

In a way, my seven-day cleanse was a metaphor for the boundaries I need to set at work. Just like I gave up coffee and alcohol to reset my body, I need to give up the habit of overextending myself at work to reset my mind. The first few days will be brutal—but eventually, you get to a point where it doesn’t feel so dire. You start to realize that you can survive without saying yes to every request.

And just like with the cleanse, once you push through that initial discomfort, you realize that you’re stronger than you thought. I’m learning to trust that I can say no at work and still be respected. I can draw boundaries without sacrificing my career.

It’s a process, though. There will be days when I’ll slip up, when I’ll feel the urge to revert to old habits. But I’ll remind myself that this is about long-term well-being, not short-term approval. Setting boundaries at work is a form of self-care, just like drinking water and eating right.

So the lesson here? It’s simple but not easy: Boundaries are necessary, both at home and at work. They protect your time, your energy, and your peace. And as I learned from both IOP and my cleanse, I’m capable of setting those boundaries if I commit to it. It’s about recognizing my worth and demanding that others do the same.

At some point, we need to be done sacrificing our well-being for the sake of being seen as “helpful.” We need to be helpful to ourselves first. And that’s not just about saying no—it’s about knowing when to say yes. It’s about making sure that when we do say yes, it’s for something that aligns with our values and my goals, not just to avoid conflict or be liked.

At the end of the day, work will always be there. The projects, the deadlines, the tasks—they don’t stop. But we can stop overextending myself. We can choose to protect our peace. I have to trust that I’ll still be just as valuable, even if I’m not always the one staying late or picking up the slack. And if overextending is what it takes for me to be seen as adding value, I need to rethink my environment.

This journey has taught me that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I’ve always known I was capable, but now I’m learning that I can be capable without being overextended. I can set boundaries, both in my personal life and at work, and still be successful. And that, more than anything, is the lesson I’m taking away from this experience.

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the fantastic, fierce, fearless force you are.