The Invisible Black Woman

Let’s talk about something we don’t discuss nearly enough, and it might make some of y’all uncomfortable. Scratch that: it will make some of you uncomfortable. It’s about putting each other on. Earlier today I read a post by LaTonya Davis on LinkedIn about gatekeeping in business, and I wholeheartedly agree with what she said. So, I want to talk about something similar. As an aside, I have to say that I love when I see posts like that because it’s confirmation of what’s been on my mind or spirit for the day.

What I want to talk about is this: we don’t always take chances on each other. And to be even more clear, I’m talking about as Black women, as a sisterhood, or whatever words you want to throw in there. Now, don’t get me wrong, I get a whole lot of love as The Invisible Black Woman. In my eyes, y’all are the tribe of supporters that confirm daily I’m walking in my purpose. I don’t call people followers because I don’t believe in that term. I don’t want anyone to follow me. God knows I’m a work in progress. I just hope you find some content here that benefits you. So yeah, I don’t like the term follower and won’t use it. If I slip up and say it, trust I’ll correct myself. The TIBW Village is going strong, and the growth has surpassed anything I expected. That speaks wholly to the climate, the time, and the space we’re in, especially as Black women.

I knew TIBW would do well because I, a Black woman in corporate America, was hurting, and I needed a space like this. That’s how The Invisible Black Woman came to be. But here’s what I find interesting. I get so much love as TIBW (and hate, but that’s not what we talking ‘bout today). But me, the person? Not so much. I’ve been in the industry for a long time, hustling and grinding, and while I do well for myself, it’s not on this scale.

I believe—happy to be wrong here—the reason for this is that we don’t take chances on each other. Let me give you an example. I was working on a project and needed some additional support. So, I reached out to my kinfolk, people I’ve been following for a long time, people who know me in real life, and… crickets. What’s interesting is that these same people who aren’t checking for me the person are 100% supportive of TIBW. And the only difference between the two is that one is anonymous and has a bigger base of support. The other? Not so much.

I hate to say it, but we don’t always support each other until we blow up. Very few of us are willing to support from the beginning, when things are just starting out. Now, I’m not saying this applies to all of us, but it happens a lot more often than it should. Let me correct myself, lest y’all pull out the pitchforks. I have found way, way more support in this virtual village than people that know me in real life, that I’ve interfaced with and that I have supported with the biggest of pompoms or actual dollars. There, I fixed it.

That’s why I make it a point to highlight everyone, whether they have one subscriber or 10 million. If your content is for Black women, or if you are a Black woman trying to make it out here, I’m going to support you. As long as you’re not promoting hate against any class of people or using your platform to bully or silence others, I’m here for all of the goodness you have to share with the world. And yes, sometimes that goodness comes with a good ole dose of reality that might make you uncomfortable. Us being in the same space doesn’t take away from me and my overlap in yours doesn’t take away from you. There just ain’t enough of us to go around. We will never—as Black women doing the work of calling out racism, micro-aggressions, toxic workplaces, and everything in between—reach a point of critical mass or oversaturation. Not enough of us are able to step into this space. Notice I didn’t say anything about willing. Some of us simply cannot. So, there aren’t enough of us doing the work. Or, as many a pastor I grew up hearing would say, “many are called, but few are chosen.”

Amen.

We really need to stop this thing where we decide who’s worthy of support based on numbers—or worse, feel threatened by someone because you deem them “more successful.” Where they do that at? Who the hell cares about that? We do, apparently.

And another thing, while I’m on this tiny rant. LOL… I’ve noticed that some of y’all are real bothered by the name The Invisible Black Woman, and that’s okay. The name is not everyone’s cup of tea. But please don’t project your issues onto me because you’ve never felt invisible (or ever believed you were; the Nile is not just a river in Egypt #iykyk). I’m not saying all Black women are invisible. I’m saying I’VE felt invisible in corporate America. If that’s not your experience, cool. This page might not be for you, and that’s okay.

If you’ve never felt invisible, this content isn’t for you. Keep it moving. Don’t come at me with an attitude because my name don’t sit right with you. That’s between you and your God, as is my choice of name. I choose to say the quiet parts out loud. We’re supposed to be moving the culture forward. I’ve peeped the way some people respond when I post or repost their content. It tells me something about what they think of me and what I’m doing, even if we’re talking about the same things.

Look, if we share the same values, there should be alignment. But if you take issue with me because you applaud every single thing I stand for—but that name though—let me know. I won’t repost your content. I’m learning to pay very close attention to the silence and nonverbal cues. Also, the goofy-ass private messages that still make me laugh full out loud (#sorrynotsorry). I will proceed accordingly. And please, please—and I know as I’m typing this, someone will anyway because the ones who this applies to didn’t read all the way to this sentence here—do NOT take this as me throwing a subtle jab that you should applaud or repost any of my content. This ain’t a troll for likes or clickbait. This is not that. If it’s good for the goose it’s good for the gander, so I’ll say the same thing to “us folk”: if it don’t apply, just walk on by.

I repeat, IF IT DON’T APPLY, JUST WALK ON BY.

Please and so much tanks. And no, that’s not a typo.

At the end of the day, my point is we don’t support each other enough. Y’all tired of me saying that line yet? I really truly wish we did. Sadly, this isn’t just my opinion or feelings on the issue. It’s a cold hard fact. Just take a look at how long a dollar stays in the Black community versus other communities, and you’ll see what I’m talking about. I’m not going to do the homework for you; I ain’t got time for that today or tomorrow. So feel free to do your due diligence if you think I’m exaggerating.

So yeah, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Maybe it helps some of y’all, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s just me and if that’s the case, that’s perfectly fine because sometimes, I gotta preach to myself and I’m good with that.

I truly believe in getting what you give. I’m grateful for how far TIBW has come and I’ll never take that for granted. But I also see the flipside and maybe that’s why this is so incredibly personal for me. I see this as my ministry. It is very much a labor of love to crank out this content day in and day out. The hope and prayer is that it helps at least one other person who may find themselves in a similar situation as me. And someday, perhaps the universe will see it fit to allow me to turn this passion into a full-time paying gig. Until then and even after that, please know this: I truly mean it when I say that if you are just starting out and just wanna get a repost or a shoutout, let a sista know.

I got you.

And if you’ve already arrived and you have something to share with the network of like-minded folks, I got you, too.

I hope more of us do the same.

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the strong, stupendous superstar you are.