The Invisible Black Woman

You can’t succeed in a place that that preys on and prays for your downfall.

Ever found yourself in a place where, no matter how hard you try, it just feels like the walls are closing in? Where every effort to grow, to succeed, to just be your best self is met with resistance? That’s what today’s BlueNote is all about: You can’t succeed in a place that preys on and prays for your downfall. Some environments, some people, they don’t want you to succeed, even if they smile in your face and pretend like they do.

You ever notice how certain folks are all supportive when you’re struggling, but the moment you start winning, they get real quiet? They don’t outright sabotage you—no, that would be too obvious. Instead, they sit back and wait for you to stumble, all while claiming to be in your corner. They pray for your downfall in silence, hoping you don’t make it because your success would make them confront their own shortcomings. And let me tell you, confronting themselves is the last thing they want to do. When you do stumble or stutter step, they prey on your downfall by harping on the error (if it’s a coworker or a boss) or peppering you with “I told you sos” or telling everybody and they momma because they are so glad “you’ve been humbled for once.”

But it’s not just people—it’s entire environments. Some spaces weren’t built for you to win. They thrive on seeing you struggle, on keeping you in a box. It’s the kind of place where, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you work, you feel like you’re spinning your wheels in place. It’s not that you’re not capable—it’s that the system is designed to make sure you don’t get too far. Your growth threatens them. Your potential intimidates them. And your ambition? It stupefies them. It’s something they can’t even begin to understand.

We’ve all been there. That job where no matter how much you excel, the promotions never come your way. That friend group where your wins are met with half-hearted congratulations or backhanded compliments. That family member who can’t seem to celebrate your success without making it about themselves. It’s exhausting. It’s draining. And worst of all, it’s designed to make you feel like you’re the problem.

But let’s be clear: you’re not the problem. The environment is. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: you cannot, will not, and should not try to thrive in a place that’s actively working against you. It’s like trying to plant flowers in soil that’s full of toxins—per my last post. Sorry, I couldn’t help it. It’s been a minute since I’ve used that phrase: “per my last email.” But more on that another day. So, back to the plant you’re trying to grow in toxic soil: you can water it all you want, give it sunlight, and tend to it with care, but at the end of the day, the soil is poisoned. Ain’t nothing fittin to grow there.

The problem is, we often don’t realize that the soil is bad until we’ve been trying to bloom in it for far too long. We keep thinking, “Maybe if I work harder, maybe if I change my approach, maybe if I just keep pushing through, things will get better.” But here’s the thing: no amount of effort will make a toxic environment fertile ground for your success. It just won’t.

You’ve got to know when to step back and recognize that it’s not you—it’s the place, the people, the system. And that’s hard. Because we’re taught to persevere, to hustle, to grind through the tough times. And yes, sometimes that’s what’s needed. But other times? You need to walk away. Sometimes, you need to close the door on spaces that were never meant for your growth and find somewhere else where you can truly thrive.

Now, don’t get me wrong—it’s not about running away at the first sign of trouble. Life will always throw challenges your way. But there’s a difference between a challenge that helps you grow and an environment that’s actively rooting for your failure. The latter is not something you should ever subject yourself to, no matter how much potential you see in the situation.

It’s easy to feel stuck. Easy to think, “Well, this is just how it is.” But it’s not. There are places where you can thrive, where people will celebrate your wins and support you through your losses. There are environments where your growth won’t be seen as a threat, but as proof of what’s possible. You deserve to be in those spaces. You deserve to be surrounded by people who want to see you win, not those who are silently waiting for your downfall.

So, if you’re in a place right now that feels stifling, toxic, or just plain unsupportive, take a step back. Ask yourself: Am I in an environment that wants me to thrive, or one that preys on my downfall? And if it’s the latter, it’s time to move. It’s time to find somewhere else where you can plant yourself and grow into everything you were meant to be. You owe it to yourself to seek out spaces that nourish your spirit, fuel your ambition, and support your dreams.

The world is full of opportunities, but not every opportunity is meant for you. Some doors will close, some spaces will reject you (see yesterday’s post), and some people will never root for you. And that’s okay. That’s not your concern. Your concern is finding where you can grow, where your potential can be realized, and where your success will be celebrated—not feared.

If you remember nothing else from today’s post, remember this: you deserve to thrive. And if the place you’re in isn’t allowing you to do that, then it’s time to find somewhere else. Don’t waste your time trying to bloom in toxic soil. Your growth is too precious, your potential too immense, to be stifled by spaces that don’t support you.

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the gracious, gorgeous goddess you are.