The Invisible Black Woman

Protecting your peace and sanity is the strongest flex.

Picture this: you’re at work, minding your business, doing what you do best. You’ve got your projects lined up, your meetings scheduled, and your energy is good. You got up early, got to work with time to spare, had your coffee. Can’t nobody tell you nothing today. Then, as if on cue, someone or something comes along and throws chaos into your smooth-sailing day. It could be a snide comment from a coworker, an unnecessary request from your boss, or just the overwhelming feeling that everything is on fire, and you’re the only one who knows where the extinguisher is.

Sound familiar? Usually in that moment, I take a literal deep breath, then tackle whatever it is that just landed on my lap.

The workplace is full of triggers, people, and situations that will have you questioning your decisions, your worth, and sometimes even your sanity. And for the most part, I handle those situations gracefully and try not to let them get to me, but ain’t nobody perfect all of the time. The goal isn’t to pretend like everything rolls off our backs; the goal is to protect ourselves from unnecessary stress that doesn’t serve us.

And why is this protection so crucial? Because when you lose your peace, everything else starts to unravel. Your work suffers, your energy dips, and suddenly, that job you were thriving in feels like a burden. And let me be the first to tell you: No job, no task, no coworker, no person, is worth your peace. None.

Now, I know you may be thinking, That sounds good and all, but how do I actually protect my peace when the world is constantly throwing chaos at me? Trust me, I get it. It’s easier said than done, especially in environments that thrive on drama, unnecessary meetings, and people who love to push buttons just for the hell of it. But that’s where those blessed boundaries come in.

Boundaries are not a luxury; they’re a necessity. If you don’t set clear boundaries, you’ll find yourself constantly pulled into messes that don’t even belong to you. And isn’t that just the worst? You’re over here cleaning up someone else’s spill while your own work sits on the backburner. And then what? You’re stressed, they’re relaxed, and your peace is out the window.

So how do we set these boundaries? It starts with saying “no” when it’s necessary, and not just because it’s the polite thing to do, but because saying no is an act of self-preservation. And before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Saying no doesn’t make you difficult. It doesn’t make you less of a team player. It makes you smart. It makes you aware of your own limits, and it shows that you value your time and mental health enough not to let it be overrun by everyone else’s problems.

And while we’re on the topic, let me say this: Saying no is one thing, but not feeling guilty about it? That’s the real challenge. Too often, we fall into this trap of feeling like we have to explain ourselves every time we set a boundary, especially in environments where we’re one of the few—or the only—in the room. We feel like we have to justify our decisions, as if our peace isn’t reason enough. It is. Protecting your peace is a valid reason for every decision you make, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond that.

Now, does this mean you should go around saying no to everything? Of course not. But it does mean being selective about where your energy goes. Not every battle is worth fighting. Not every fire is yours to put out. And not every request needs to be met with a yes. You have to discern what’s truly worth your time and what’s just another distraction from your peace.

And this goes beyond just saying no. Protecting your peace also means being mindful of the energy you allow into your space. Have you ever walked into a meeting and just felt the tension in the room? Like, you didn’t even need to hear anyone speak, but you already knew it was going to be a hot mess? That’s the kind of energy I’m talking about. Sometimes, protecting your peace means removing yourself from toxic environments, even if it’s just mentally. You can’t always physically walk away from a meeting or conversation, but you can choose not to engage with the negativity that’s being thrown around.

It’s about mentally opting out of the chaos, even if you’re in the thick of it. Sometimes, that’s as simple as taking a deep breath, centering yourself, and reminding yourself that you are not responsible for other people’s messes. You are there to do your job, not to absorb the drama that other folks bring into the space. Because let’s be real: there will always be drama. There will always be someone who wants to stir the pot, someone who’s looking for a reaction, someone who’s trying to get under your skin. But that’s not your problem. Your only “problem” is maintaining your peace, and that starts with not giving in to the distractions.

And here’s the kicker: the more you protect your peace, the more people will start to respect it. When people see that you’re not easily rattled, that you’re not here for the drama, and that you won’t let their nonsense disrupt your flow, they’ll start to adjust. They may not like it, but they’ll learn to respect it. And that is the ultimate flex.

Let me give you an example. We’ve all had that one coworker who just loves to dump their stress on you, right? They come into your office or ping you on Slack or Teams with all their woes, looking for you to co-sign their frustration, til all they’re juju is now sitting with you and they get to roll on to the next unsuspecting victim. But instead of joining them in their mess, what if you just didn’t? What if you listened, nodded, and then gently redirected the conversation back to work or simply didn’t engage with the negativity? I guarantee you, after a while, they’ll stop coming to you with their drama because they’ll realize that you’re not the one. You’re not the one who’s going to let their mess become yours. That’s how you protect your peace.

And here’s the beautiful thing about protecting your peace: It’s contagious. When you make it clear that your peace and sanity are non-negotiable, people around you will start to take note. They’ll see that you’re not fazed by the nonsense, and that energy will start to shift. You become the calm in the storm, the voice of reason, the person who doesn’t let the chaos dictate their day. And that’s powerful. It allows you to thrive in environments that would otherwise drain you.

Until you GTFO, of course, if it’s a hell- or a shi+hole. That is always the subtext in this here corner of the interwebs.

Now, I’m not saying that protecting your peace is easy. It takes practice. It takes a lot of self-awareness and even more discipline. But once you get the hang of it, once you start setting those boundaries and sticking to them, it becomes second nature. And trust me, once you experience the freedom that comes with not letting other people’s chaos disrupt your peace, you’ll never want to go back.

So, what’s the takeaway here? Protecting your peace and sanity isn’t just something you do when you have time. It’s not an afterthought. It’s a necessity. It’s the strongest flex you have in a world that thrives on stress and drama. Your peace is priceless, and it’s up to you to guard it fiercely. Because at the end of the day, your mental health, your well-being, and your sanity are worth more than any paycheck, any title, or any approval from people who don’t have your best interests at heart.

You may have noticed I spent damn-near this whole post talking about peace and sanity just in passing. That’s because it’s hard to have sanity without it. They go hand in hand. In my lived experience, when peace goes, sanity always follows.

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the marvelous creature you are.