The Invisible Black Woman

Alright, y’all, let’s talk about today’s BlueNote: “Don’t allow pride to get in the way of what’s best for you.” I can always tell when one of my BlueNotes hits a little too close to home. Y’all know what I’m talking about—those posts that don’t necessarily feel good, but they’re real. Today’s BlueNote is one of those. It’s definitely not one of my more appreciated posts, based on the low reactions I got. But guess what? That’s okay. Sometimes we need a little truth that doesn’t come wrapped in a bow, and today’s BlueNote was one of those truths.

But honestly, when I share these BlueNotes, they’re 100% me looking in the mirror. If someone else benefits from them, great! But ultimately, these reflections are my way of holding myself accountable. So what’s this BlueNote really about? Well, let me take y’all back with a little throwback story time.

Okay, yes, full disclosure, it is about what is happening now at work, but I can’t get into all the details of that just yet. So for now, let’s rewind to the early working days. I had a job through an agency, and things were pretty good. I didn’t have any real issues. I got along with my supervisor, and I even became good friends with one of my coworkers. It was a decent setup.

But as you know, nothing ever stays smooth for too long. I don’t know about y’all, but it seems like whenever I get too comfortable in a job, something flips. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like as a strong Black woman in the workplace—hell, just as a Black woman in general—there’s a certain unspoken rule. If you’re too direct or assertive, suddenly, you’re intimidating. I’ve been told that more times than I can count, and let me tell you, it’s an interesting dynamic. Here I am, thinking I’m just out here doing my job, being my authentic self, but apparently, some folks just can’t handle that. There’s also something to be said about the level of hostility that can build between two Black women, but boy, I’m getting wayyyy ahead of myself on that tea!

Anyway, I had a decent rapport with my supervisor. We’d chat in the mornings, pop by each other’s offices, and it was cool. But one day, she had a bad morning, and y’all know how it is. She was rude and dismissive in a way that caught me completely off guard. I was so shook that I didn’t even respond. I just tucked my tail between my legs and went back to my desk, stunned. From that day on, I kept my distance. I didn’t pop by her office anymore, didn’t engage in those friendly morning chats. I just kept it strictly professional. The most I would do is a drive-by greeting since her office was on her way to the break room where I put my lunch.

Now, here’s where things got messy. Instead of letting it slide, she got big mad. And I mean big mad. Suddenly, she started throwing the rulebook at me. Out of nowhere, I had to clock out for lunch. If I took a break that lasted more than five minutes, I had to punch out. She went all extra, pulling rules that had never applied to me before. She was in her feelings because I stepped back, and instead of addressing it like an adult, she decided to be petty.

But let me back up for a minute. Before all of that really went off the rails, I could tell she was sensing the distance. At some point, she called me into her office to “check in.” You know that fake check-in where they already know what’s up but want to make it look like they’re concerned? She asked if everything was okay because she noticed we weren’t as close as we used to be. I played it cool and professional. I told her everything was fine, but deep down, I knew that I was done. Once I lose respect for someone, that’s it. I wasn’t going to let her get close enough to pull that again.

And y’all, it only got worse. She continued to make my work life more difficult, nitpicking everything I did. So, I started looking for another job. I applied, got an interview, but you know how it is when you walk into a room and can just tell you’re not getting the job? Yeah, that was me. The vibe was off from the moment I sat down. But here’s where pride came into play—I was so pressed to get out of that job because of my boss’s pettiness that I let my pride get the best of me.

I convinced myself that I’d get the job, even though deep down, I knew I wasn’t going to. So, I went to my supervisor and told her I’d found a new opportunity. I even lied and said it was better pay and better benefits. I really talked up that imaginary job, all because I wanted to show her that she didn’t have power over me.

Here’s where the lesson comes in: pride will have you out here making moves that are not in your best interest. Because guess what? I didn’t get that job, y’all. I was so caught up in getting the last laugh, in showing her that I didn’t need her or that job, that I quit without having something solid lined up. I let my pride get in the way of what was best for me.

And that’s what today’s BlueNote is about. I know, as Black women, we get done dirty all the time in the workplace. I’m not here to sugarcoat that. But you can’t let what other people do mess up your money. Get your ducks in a row. Don’t make moves out of pride that will leave you in a worse position.

It’s not about letting people walk all over you—trust me, I’m the last person to advocate for that. But you have to think long-term. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face, like I did. Be strategic. Handle your business with grace and wisdom, even when folks are out here trying to test you.

Let me tell y’all something: that situation taught me a lot about myself. I realized that I can be my own worst enemy when I let my pride take over. I also learned that sometimes, you have to swallow that pride to secure your future. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re playing the long game.

The kicker about me leaving that place without notice and being told I could leave right then and there rather than stay the remainder of the day? Yeah, she was determined to be even pettier than me. But the kicker? If I had just stuck it out a little longer, I would have found a way to transition into another role without all the drama. But no, I let my pride drive me into making a rash decision, and I paid the price for it. So, don’t be like me. Don’t allow pride to get in the way of what’s best for you.

Look, y’all, I know it’s hard out here, especially for us. But don’t let any of that push you to make decisions that aren’t in your best interest. Stay focused on your goals. Keep your eyes on the prize, and don’t let your pride derail your progress.

I know this message might be hitting home for some of y’all because I’ve been there. I’ve made those decisions out of pride, out of frustration, out of a desire to get back at someone who wronged me. But at the end of the day, who does that really hurt? Not them. It hurts you.

All of the above I am literally saying to myself out loud to talk myself off the ledge off my current situation. TRUST.

So, as we move forward, let’s commit to being smarter, to making decisions that are in alignment with our long-term goals, not just what feels good in the moment. Let’s make sure that we’re not allowing our pride to dictate our actions, especially when it comes to securing our bag, our future, and our peace of mind.

Until next time, I wish you nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, which are no less fictitious than the resilient, badass, humble, go-getter that you are.