The Invisible Black Woman

Y’all, today has been on one. Like “from-the-moment-I-logged-on-to-the-interwebs” on one. And I’m definitely not at all ready to break down what exactly transpired, but let me tell y’all something: if I had any doubts whatsoever I don’t belong in corporate America, like a shred, that went out the window today. I mean, completely out the window. I ain’t built for the level of mental gymnastics and personality contortions that is required of me. Also, I had the sheer audacity to wait until I was this full-a$$ grown to get a mouth.

As Mumma would say, “Lawd gawd, misis!”

And the goofier part is that I’m not even talking disrespectfully when I say stuff. Anyone that knows me knows I’m the queen of being matter of fact and monotone. But you put that all into this package right here. Yeah, it just ain’t working AT ALL. So, please, please light a candle, burn some sage, or send some prayers or chants up for me and my mouth. We really and truly need it.

All right, now that I got that quick rant out of my system, let me get to the point. Given the foolishness and “outtaordahness” of today, I had no desire to post. Trust me when I say that the old me would have just given my screen the double birdie, walked away quickly before all the self-restraint to chuck my laptop went away, and ate my feelings. Today hit different though. This is now 23 days I have written. Every single day since September 1, I have posted content as soon as I finish writing it and there is something so incredibly gratifying about getting that alert that my posting streak is climbing. But also, more to the point, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different, right?

So no, I won’t go into turtle mode and regress and hide. I’m gonna write it out: the good, the bad, the ugly. Today I’m writing because at least one of y’all needs to hear this message that is blasting in my head right now: PUSH through. Meaning, Pray/Persist/Persevere Until Something Happens. Whichever of those words resonates for you, go with that. For me, right now, it’s all of the above. I am choosing to PUSH through because everything else I’ve done hasn’t worked. I truly think the universe is telling me that my time to half-step in my calling is coming to an end and I need to be ready to go all in, in the next few months.

If you also had a FUBAR day, week, month, or year, and you are saying to yourself, “what-in-the-entire-pandemic-meets-apocalypse-with-a-side-of-Jason-and-Freddy-Krueger mess is this?” If you are questioning what it all means and the purpose and what to do next, it may be time to go all in, to keep PUSHing until that goal, that dream, that vision, that you-fill-in-the-blanks manifests. Because working this hard to line someone else’s pockets is for the birds. Being this damn good and generating all these doggone efficiencies to make someone’s life easier while they keep underpaying you is maniacal math. Being bullied and disrespected and having it flipped on you for speaking up is diabolical TEEEEE-RASH. Allowing others to exploit and leech off your greatness and pass off the work as their own, it nah go work.

Hell, if for you it’s just a knowing in your gut it’s time to PUSH, that’s cool, too. Trust and believe you don’t want it to get to the point where the situation you find yourself in is too bananas to control and to walk away from on your own terms. So, build your escape as quickly as you can and GTFO as soon as you can. Don’t let that spark go out, the one that is full of possibility, that puts you in control of your future and allows you to be authentically you. I’m sure there are places in corporate America where being all of who you are is encouraged and genuinely welcomed. But the majority of the jobs? Yeah, they want you to leave that right at home. Don’t AT ME. I said what I said.

And remember, “if it don’t apply, just walk on by.” It may well be this post ain’t for you. Nobody goes to the KFC drive-through just so they can tell the staff they don’t eat chicken. They just don’t go. They keep on driving, ya know? Try and practice that same self-restraint you exercise everywhere else.

BUT, if this one’s for you: keep PUSHing through!